


"Reason in Madness"

by farad



Category: Nashville (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-02
Updated: 2013-01-02
Packaged: 2017-11-23 09:47:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/620773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/farad/pseuds/farad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Teddy and Rayna after the pictures, Bucky caught in the middle as always.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Reason in Madness"

**Author's Note:**

> For Huntersglenn's Mag 7 Daybook Christmas Stocking!
> 
> Unbeta-ed - all mistakes my own; feel free to share them with me so I can clean this up! As point in note: TV Guide lists Rayna's last name as 'James', but IMBD has it 'Jaymes'. For now, I'm going with the 'Jaymes' version.

“ _There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.”_

\--Friedrich Nietzche

 

 

"We'll do the tour," Rayna said tiredly. "Plan for my girls to be with us."

 

Bucky looked up from his notes. "Which girls? Louisa and Mallie? They're already in the plan – gotta have the back-up singers." He frowned, confused. Rayna didn't usually state the obvious, unless she'd had a really bad night. From the look of her, though, it had been pretty rough. He wondered if she was spending too much time with Liam these days, picking up too many of his habits.

 

"My girls," Rayna said, her voice harder and with more emphasis on the 'my'. A loose strand of hair, one that had escaped the knot she had pulled the rest severely into, bounced at her cheek.

 

Bucky drew a deep breath. "Aren't they in school?" he asked slowly.

 

Rayna glared at him, wrinkles gathering at the corners of her eyes and lips. "Plan for them," she repeated. "They can take the time off." She didn't wait for him to respond, closing her notebook and picking up her bag as she pushed her chair back. "I'm meeting Liam in the studio to work on the next cut. We want to have a few to test on the road."

 

"Yeah, all right," Bucky agreed, gathering his own things. He stood, but she was already gone, the door of the small room closing behind her.

 

Edgehill Records wasn't a large building, so he wasn't surprised to find her at the elevator as he came out. He was, though, surprised to see her standing with her arms cross over his chest, her gaze angry and her voice low and sharp as a knife as she spoke. " . . . didn't have to wait to be in his pocket, did you, you were already well on your way to being just like him. I should never have listened to Tandy. She picked out a man just like my daddy for me, didn't she."

 

"Rayna, please," Teddy said, reaching out a hand toward her.

 

She pulled away from him and slapped at his hand, driving him back. "Don't touch me," she hissed.

 

The elevator dinged and the doors opened. She whirled and stopped into it, slapping at a button on the console as she glared at her husband.

 

"Rayna," Teddy tried again, his voice so rough that Bucky hardly recognized it.

 

But the doors closed and she was gone.

 

Teddy stood still, his back to Bucky. His shoulders were slumped and his head down, though he was staring at the closed doors. As Bucky drew near, he could tell that Teddy was shaking.

 

"Teddy?" he asked softly, not sure quite what to do. He'd been Rayna's manager for fifteen years now, since before she'd met Teddy. Bucky had managed her during the worst of the days with Deacon, when he'd spent nights watching her cry after a fight with Deacon, when he'd pulled Deacon out of jail or some other woman's bed. He'd seen her angry, seen her cutting Deacon to ribbons, the two of them screaming at each other worse than angry cats.

 

He'd never seen her do it to Teddy, though, never seen them do more than snipe at each other in the worst of times. This was new.

 

Of course, the recent pictures of Teddy and the woman from the country club probably had something to do with it.

 

Teddy swallowed and straightened before he turned to face Bucky. Rayna had looked bad but Teddy looked like hell. His eyes were red, as if he hadn't slept in days, and set deep in dark circles that looked almost as if he'd been punched. The darkness and shadows made the pale blue of his eyes seem brighter. He hadn't shaved, his cheeks and chin scruffy, and his hair was tousled, as if he'd been out in the wind or running his fingers through it.

 

Not the polished look of a man running for political office.

 

"Hey," he said, but he had to clear his throat to get it out. He tried to smile, his usual polite upturn of lips, but they wouldn't do it.

 

Bucky reached out a hand, dropping it on one shoulder. "You look like hell, man."

 

Teddy's grin actually came then, but there was so much pain behind it that Bucky's breath caught. "I didn't cheat on her," Teddy said, his voice breaking.

 

Bucky nodded. "Yeah, I thought that was bullshit." He squeezed Teddy's shoulder, feeling the bones under the layers of cloth and skin. "I need coffee. Can I buy you one?"

 

Teddy drew a breath and looked away for a few seconds. Bucky thought he would say 'no', but when Teddy looked back, his eyes were sad and he nodded once. "Yeah, if you - " He swallowed, then went on, "If you've got time."

 

Bucky grinned back; even if he hadn't had time, he'd have made it.

 

He led the way into the elevator, aware of Teddy behind him. Bucky pressed the button for the first floor, trying not to think about how close Teddy was, how warm, trying not to notice the scent of his aftershave or the smell of his leather jacket.

 

Trying not to think about that one time, so long ago -

 

"Is she going to do the tour with Juliette Barnes?" The question was soft and hesitant, and it drew Bucky's attention back to the present.

 

He turned to Teddy, surprised that Teddy had had to ask. But then again, after what he'd just seen in the hallway, he shouldn't have been. "She says so," he answered.

 

Teddy nodded and looked down at the elevator floor. He was the kind of man how looked perpetually young, the square jaw and chiseled features those of the All-American male, the long, lean body of an athlete. He was aging well, very well, and Bucky had a hard time remembering that Teddy was just a little younger than he was. Teddy had been a tennis player in college, and according to what Bucky heard from Rayna, Teddy still played regularly at the country club that Rayna hated. Teddy also ran the occasional marathon, and until the past few years, he'd competed at least once a year in an ironman challenge.

 

"Might be good," Bucky offered quietly. "Maybe the two of you need some time apart right now, until this blows over . . ."

 

Teddy shrugged but before he could say anything, the elevator dinged it arrival on the first floor and the doors opened.

 

Outside, waiting for it, stood Deacon.

 

Teddy straightened, his shoulders going back and his head coming up defiantly.

 

Bucky drew in a deep breath and stepped out first, intentionally stepping in front of Teddy, so that he was between the two men. Their last encounter, at the country club, had not gone well. And that had been before the pictures of Teddy and the Kenter woman had hit the papers.

 

"You must be more of a man than I gave you credit for," Deacon said, looking past Bucky as if weren't there. "Rayna was more than enough woman for me. Can't imagine having her and needing a second one."

 

"Don't strain yourself," Teddy shot back. "Unlike you, I'd never do anything to hurt Rayna."

 

"You telling me those pictures were photoshopped?" Deacon returned. "Someone sure did a good job - "

 

"Guys," Bucky said, pushing at Deacon's chest as Teddy crowded against his back. "Rayna won't be happy with either of you right now. Let it go." He reached back and caught the sleeve of Teddy's jacket, pulling him away and to the side while still pushing Deacon back.

 

Deacon reluctantly gave ground and Teddy allowed himself to be drawn away. They continued to glare at each other, but Bucky got them far enough apart that Teddy was forced to look away from Deacon. Behind them, Bucky heard the ding of the elevator door as it closed, and he assumed Deacon was on it. Hoped.

 

He released Teddy's sleeve, letting Teddy lead the way through the building's lobby. Bucky nodded to the people they passed, wondering how quickly news of this would get to Rayna. Wondering which one of the two men she would be angriest with.

 

He suspect he knew. And so did Teddy.

 

"Come on," he said as they walked out the doors onto the sidewalk.

 

Teddy blinked, as if he'd forgotten Bucky was there. Maybe he had.

 

The coffee shop was around the corner and even though it was still busy with the morning rush, they found a table in the corner. The counter people knew Bucky and gave him table service, taking their orders. Bucky got his usual, a double skinny latte. Teddy ordered coffee, to which Bucky suggested an espresso shot addition, making it a red eye. Teddy didn't argue, his gaze on the table itself, and Bucky nodded to Lara as she shrugged and walked back to the counter.

 

"So what happened?" Bucky asked after the silence had gone on a little too long.

 

Teddy sighed and looked out the window. "I screwed up," he said in a whisper. "I didn't sleep with Peggy – Rayna's the only woman I'll ever love."

 

"Yeah, I know," Bucky agreed. And he did. The memory came back, unavoidable now. Teddy's bachelor party, three nights before the wedding.

 

Bucky had already been Rayna's manager for three years when she met Teddy, something that Teddy sometimes joked about, that Bucky had known her longer and spent more time with her than Teddy did. As one of Rayna's inner circle, Bucky had been invited to the bachelor party and Rayna had asked him to go. That close to the wedding, she'd been anxious about the marriage, about committing herself to Teddy.

 

Bucky understood why; she'd still been in love with Deacon – still was, as far as Bucky could tell. But she'd needed some other excuse to justify getting out of the relationship with Teddy, who, as far as any of them could tell, was deeply in love with her. Enough so to marry her knowing that he wasn't her first choice.

 

Bucky had gone to the party, expecting it to be as most bachelor parties were – lots of drinking, lots of strippers, lots of heterosexual male braggadocio. He hadn't been disappointed.

 

Though he had been surprised. Teddy Conrad hadn't acted like most of the others. Oh, he'd laughed and smiled, and blushed in the right places (and a lovely blush it was, too, Bucky had tried not to notice), but when it came to the opportunities he was given to enjoy his last days as a bachelor, he had been a gentleman, politely extricating himself from the clutches of several of the strippers, careful where his own hands were at all times.

 

Most of the men at the party wouldn't have noticed. But Bucky had. He'd noticed especially when the blonde, buxom stripper had pressed herself up against Teddy in a full-body contact – and he had laughed and stepped back. It was a move very few heterosexual men would have made. But one that Bucky himself knew well.

 

Teddy Conrad wasn't interested in women. Only one: Rayna Jaymes.

 

Bucky saw it now, looking at Teddy. Teddy knew it too. And so did Rayna, damn her. She knew how easy it was for her to hurt Teddy. She always had.

 

"She didn't want me to run," Teddy said quietly. "Never wanted me to work with Lamar. This is her way of getting even, I guess, holding this against me, even though she knows . . ."

 

Lara returned with their coffees, smiling at Bucky and making polite chitchat. Teddy was still staring out the window when she left, his arms pulled tightly around himself.

 

Bucky sipped on his latte for a while, gathering up the courage. They'd never talked about it, not once in the past twelve years. It was as if it had never happened – and sometimes, Bucky thought that it hadn't, that he'd dreamed it.

 

But seeing Teddy like this, vulnerable and scared, was too much like he'd been that night, after. When Teddy had realized what he'd done and who he'd done it with. He'd been terrified of what he stood to lose, who he stood to lose. Just like he was now.

 

"Why did you marry her?" Bucky asked, putting his elbows on the table and leaning in close.

 

Teddy jerked around, as if Bucky had hit him. His eyes were wide and scared, and he swallowed, hard, as if he were trying not to be sick. "I love her," he finally stammered, sitting back in his chair, his arms tightening even more around himself.

 

Bucky nodded. "I know that, Teddy – I've never doubted that, not from the start. But – well, she's a woman."

 

For a few seconds, Teddy was angry, his nostrils flaring, his eyes bright and hard, his arms releasing their hold on him, and his hands knotting into fists that he held in front of him.

 

But it was only a few seconds. He looked at Bucky, and Bucky saw when Teddy remembered, saw the anger drain out of him, leaving him tired and hollow. Teddy looked away, down to his cup of coffee. He flexed his fingers then wrapped them around the cup though he didn't drink. "I'm not gay," he whispered. "Other than that time with you, I – well, I . . ." He closed his eyes and his lip trembled, and Bucky thought he might cry. Instead, he took a deep breath and went on, "I love Rayna. I have since the first time I met her, back when I was in high school and she was – well, she was already writing songs and singing."

 

"I thought y'all didn't meet until Tandy introduced you," Bucky said, picking up his coffee again.

 

Teddy's lips twitched and he opened his eyes, though he wasn't looking at Bucky. "Yeah, that's because Rayna doesn't remember it, either. High school graduation party," he said, his body relaxing a little. "Tandy graduated in the same class I did, and big sister Rayna came to the party. For a while. She was . . ." His voice drifted off and Bucky watched him, knowing that what he was seeing wasn't a lie.

 

"She sing?" he asked.

 

Teddy blinked, coming back from the memory. "Yeah, her and . . . " He shook his head and finally lifted the cup to his mouth.

 

Deacon. It would have been about the right time in Rayna's life, meeting Deacon at Edgehill, where he played on her first album.

 

"She left before the party was over – she never has liked the country club," he said, his lips twitching again. But his face clouded, the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes cutting deep. "Long time ago – no reason for her to remember me. I was just another Belle Mead kid, heading off to the Ivy League."

 

"So you went on to college – isn't that where you met . . ."

 

"Peggy," Teddy said with a sigh. "Yeah. We dated for a while, couple of years while we were both finishing up at Vanderbilt."

 

Something in that didn't sound right and Bucky frowned. "I thought you said Ivy League."

 

Teddy twitched again, almost spilling his coffee on his hands. He let go of the cup and dropped his hands to his lap, rubbing his palms on his thighs. "Rough summer," he said, his voice hoarse. "Ended up going to Vandy instead."

 

Something in the way he said it gave Bucky pause. He knew a little about Teddy's past – hard not to. The Conrad family was an old and influential family in this town, enough so that the scandals surrounding Teddy's father, an alcoholic who wasted much of the family money, cheated openly and flagrantly on his wife, and bullied everyone around him, were common knowledge. Coleman Carlisle had used Teddy's father against him in the recent debate.

 

"Peggy was a good girl," Teddy said, changing the conversation. "She didn't push for – well, for much of anything, really. She wanted to be a virgin when she got married. She thought we were getting married and I guess for a long time, I thought that, too." He shrugged and reached again for his coffee.

 

"What happened?" Bucky asked, wondering how Teddy could possibly have lived that long in the closet. This long in the closet. If what he had said was true, and Bucky was the only man he'd ever been with . . .

 

Teddy shook his head. "My dad got sick – dying sick. I guess it . . . " He shrugged. "It did something to me. Made me really think about things." He looked up for a few seconds then out the window. "My mom was in Europe, said she couldn't get back to help out. She hadn't been around in a while, anyway not since I was in high school. We had lawyers and doctors, but someone still had to be there."

 

Bucky watched him as he said, "Your dad – he treated you pretty rough when you were growing up?"

 

Teddy shrugged again, still staring out the window. "How the hell do I know? I was a kid – all kids think their parents are child beaters."

 

Bucky smiled. "No, not your kids. Yours think you're the best dad ever. And you're really good, Teddy. I'm guessing you try to be everything your dad wasn't." Teddy didn't say anything, but Bucky saw the flush that worked its way up his face, so he went on, "I suspect your dad didn't take well to the idea of you being gay."

 

The flush drained away so quickly that Bucky though Teddy might pass out. He reach for his coffee but his hand was trembling too much to pick it up.

 

Bucky leaned in closer, keeping his voice as low as he could. "I've known a lot of guys like you, guys who have been beaten down so bad that they're scared of what they are. Teddy, you can shake free of it. I know you love Rayna – there's no one who looks at you who doesn't know that. But it's not enough, not for you, not for her. She's tearing you up – and you're letting her. Why?"

 

Teddy lifted his hands to his face, covering it as he rested on his elbows. He sat like that for a time, his shoulders shaking slightly, and Bucky sighed. This was not what he had come to do. He looked into this own coffee, wishing there were answers there. Instead, though, he found, once more, the memory of that night twelve years ago. The night he'd driven Teddy back to his big empty house. The night Teddy had sat in his car, staring at that house, then asked Bucky to come in for one more drink.

 

And Bucky had. He'd known better, even known at the time that this was going nowhere that he needed for it to go. Barry was home, waiting for him, probably still up but reading in bed. And Rayna – hell, what would he say to her about this if it happened? Because he knew, no matter how much he tried to convince himself otherwise, that if it was what he thought it was, he'd never tell her. 'I fucked your fiancee to find out if he was gay' just didn't sound like the way to endear himself to her then, and it hadn't any day since then.

 

But the memory of it . . .

 

"She knew, you know," Teddy whispered, his face still in his hands. "She knew before I ever asked her to marry me."

 

Bucky shook his head, not believing him – but then he stopped, thinking about it. Thinking about Rayna. Thinking about how Rayna had been there, emotionally wrecked by Deacon, loving and hating him at the same time. Teddy had been stable, secure, wealthy, and he had done anything and everything Rayna needed and wanted. Maybe she had known.

 

"You two have had sex, though," Bucky said, thinking of at least two times – there were two daughters after all.

 

Teddy gave a short laugh that was muffled by his hands, then he slowly rubbed at his eyes before dropping his hands to the table. "Yeah, we've had sex. She's . . ." He smiled just a little. "She's very patient."

 

It was not a word Bucky associated with Rayna. But then so much of this was not what he associated with her.

 

"I didn't sleep with Peggy Kenter," Teddy said again, more forcefully this time. "I love Rayna and I've never cheated on her, not since we were married." He looked up at met Bucky's eyes then, his gaze more direct than it had been so far today. "I don't regret what we did, but that was the only time since I started seeing her."

 

Bucky held the gaze, remembering the way those same blue eyes had born into his with such desire, such intensity as he'd looked down into them, slowly, carefully, pushing his way into Teddy's heat, into a tightness that he had thought akin to virginity. It was a thought that haunted him now, setting off a thrum in his groin.

 

He was the one who looked away. "What are you going to do?" he asked, his mouth dry.

 

Teddy sighed, running one hand through his hair, some of it remaining spiked. It made him look younger, like a kid. "Maybe you're right - I hope you're right. I hope that she'll think about things. At least Deacon won't be there. I couldn't . . . I don't know what I'd do if that were the case."

 

"You've never cheated on her," Bucky said. "You think she's cheated on you?"

 

Teddy shook his head, picking up his coffee mug. "We promised early on that we'd always be honest with each other. I know she still loves him. She still loved him when she married me." He took a sip from the mug then cradled it in both hands as he went on, "She says she hasn't slept with him. But she's thought about it. Lately, I mean. And she's thinking about it now. I think he probably is, too, especially now that – well, now that everyone else in the world thinks I'm a cheater."

 

"But Rayna knows you're not – so she shouldn't cheat, should she?" Something was missing in the logic here, and Bucky saw it pass over Teddy's face just before he answered.

 

"She's not happy," he said again. "I guess it doesn't really matter, does it. As you were trying to tell me, it's always been a house of cards, just waiting for the right wind to bring it crashing down. Guess the wind finally blew through." He put his mug down on the table and once more went back to wiping his hands on his thighs. "At least I've got the girls."

 

Rayna's voice echoed in Bucky's head, telling him to plan for the girls to be on the bus. He opened his mouth, thinking to warn Teddy, but Teddy's phone buzzed in his pocket. He fumbled it out, looking at the id on the caller then he looked at Bucky. "It's Tandy - I better get this." He pushed up from the table, putting the phone to his ear.

 

Tandy, Bucky thought, as he finished off his own coffee. It'd be better to tell her anyway. Rayna might listen to her about this, more than she would to Teddy or even Bucky.

 

He pulled out his own cell phone, saw that he had missed three text messages and one phone call – from Rayna, which probably meant she'd heard about the altercation at the elevator and wanted to know what the hell was going on. He started to press the button to return the call then stopped himself. He needed to talk to Tandy first. He owed Teddy that much, if for no other reason than the memory of that night, and the knowledge, now, that he was Teddy's last man. Perhaps his only one . . .

 

Something moved in his peripheral vision and he turned to see Teddy standing outside, waving to him. Bucky nodded and rose, making his way to the counter where he quickly paid for their drinks before heading outside. Teddy was just getting off the phone as Bucky came out and he looked up. He looked better, still tired and like he needed a shower and shave but more clear-headed.

 

"Thanks," he said, holding out a hand to Bucky. "I'm sorry you saw that, saw me . . ."

 

Bucky took the hand then pulled Teddy into a quick, manly hug. "No worries. I wish I could do more. You're a good man, Teddy. A good father, and probably the best damned husband Rayna Jaymes could hope for. I'll try to remind her of that."

 

Teddy stood back but he nodded, his fingers tight on Bucky's. "Thanks, Bucky. I appreciate that. All of it."

 

Reluctantly, Bucky let Teddy's hand go. "If you need anything, even just a cup of coffee and an ear, call me."

 

Teddy looked at him for a long minute, then he smiled, a soft, sweet smile, one that Bucky had seen only a few times. The smile of someone who didn't expect what he'd just been given. "I will," Teddy said, and Bucky knew he meant it.

 

He watched as Teddy turned and walked down the street. It wasn't going to be easy for him, not with Rayna in her current mood, and Bucky suspected that Teddy really would call. It wasn't as if he had many friends who knew what Bucky did. Probably just Bucky.

 

As Teddy disappeared into the crowd on the sidewalk, Bucky pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contact list until he found Tandy's number. Maybe she could find a way to protect Teddy from Rayna's anger, at least for a while. Until Rayna figured out what she stood to lose.

 

As the phone made the connection through the magic of wireless technology, Bucky tried not to think about the feel of Teddy's body pressed against his, or the quiet whimpers of pleasure that Teddy had tried so very hard not to make, even in the silence of that large, cold house.

 

Bucky tried especially hard not to hope for the time when he could hear those same sweet sounds again . . .

 


End file.
